Thursday, 29 June 2017

Punish Me, Where I get spanked before I misbehave!

Punish Me - The punishment before the crime - Before May Mattered

punish me
Punish Me


Early July 1997
Right my head’s in a real spin over what occurred at the weekend with Al. Once again I don’t know what to do or think.

So here’s what happened...

After a very flirty phone call telling me what time he would arrive at mine I was expecting good things. Feeling horny and full of hope. He decides to park and come in. I had prepared for this and had a glass of wine waiting for him. Yes, me trying to be the girl for all occasions.

I was wearing my mid- length black skirt with buttons down the front. We’re sitting on the sofa and he starts teasing me by undoing some of the lower buttons on my skirt. His hand goes up and finds my thigh and the next thing he is snogging me and pulling my knickers down. I didn’t resist – just fell back into the sofa. I could feel myself wet and ready, as he undid his flies and got his cock out. Without further ado he retrieves a condom from his pocket, puts it on and roughly pushes his penis into my pussy. It felt so good. I could really feel him. He’s a good size for me. But then the unthinkable. I can sense it and can see on his face that it’s going down. His cock is getting soft. Of course he had to stop.

I made a joke and said “that means it’s time to go out its far too hot in here.” I meant it really as it had been a very hot day. We both used the bathroom and were on our way. I took him to The Coach. It’s got a great garden and is very rural. We had a few to drink and relaxed. The chemistry between us was electric. He was being witty and intelligent as usual. I tried to get serious, thinking about what Christine had said, and asked about his childhood. He brushed it off. I was trying to let him know that it’s ok to chat to me about it as it hadn’t been a bed of roses for me growing up either. He didn’t give me a get in, so I left it.

By ten thirty he was eager to return to my house again. No sooner had we got in the door then he lifted me up against the wall, kissing and disrobing me. I could feel his cock hard against me desperate to be free of his jeans and took that as a good sign! He threw me on the bed and started licking my already dripping cunt. It has to be said he seemed to know what he was doing. Roughly turning me over - so I was positioned doggy style – he began to spank my bare arse. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t ask he just did it. Oh my goodness it felt so good. I have waited so long for someone to take the initiative and punish me. It felt like I was a rag doll and he could do whatever he wanted with me.

He started to fuck me from behind but after only a few strokes he lost firmness. Not to be put off I turned over and began to suck his cock to his moans of delight. He lay down and I started using all my blowjob skills, and heard him murmur once again,

“You bastard.”

I began to feel a little sensitive with all kinds of things rushing round my head. It would have been better if I had just continued with the blow job but wanted the evening to be a success sexually. I wanted him inside me so badly.

Deciding I would take things into my own hands. I mounted him and began performing the cowgirl dance. Stretching, grinding, breasts bouncing, bum cheeks soft and inviting for his hands to spank. In my head I could not see how this would not work.  But no.  You guessed it ED again.
punish me
Punish me first

I can only excuse what I did next by saying by this time I felt humiliated. Still sitting on him, though I had dismounted! I asked him was he OK and to talk to me about it. He just smiled one of his big grins at me and said he was “great”.

That’s when I did it. I couldn’t bare him being so seemingly blasé when I was feeling like shit. All at once I slapped his face - hard! Unlike his bloody cock.

He was fuming. He pushed me off saying I was crazy. Got dressed and left.

I dissolved into a pool of tears. I Slept on and off. The next day I made several attempts to ring him and eventually got through.. I apologised, but in return he just sounded like a spoilt little boy.  But can I blame him?

Oh how wretched I’m feeling. Now he does not need any excuse to punish me. That's if of course he will actually want to see me again.

Reader, are you confused? Read where all this started.

Friday, 16 June 2017

Phone Sex, an experience I embraced with open legs

phone sex

Phone Sex - an interesting addition - Before May Mattered


Sunday early July 1997
Well it’s been just over a week since I’ve written my diary. Though I did write to Vic telling him about the blow job incident and asking what he thinks. It was rather a long letter really. I received a reply from him yesterday which was a damn sight shorter than my effort. He just said that Al seems strange and I should be careful, signing off by saying he loved me.  Bless him. Why can’t I just settle for him? Why is Al on my mind so much? At work I excused myself to Christine’s office and told her in detail what happened with Al.  She was less judgmental than Vic. Her opinion is that there may be a history of some sort of abuse or things I know little about.  I must talk to Hannah about this, as after all Al is her boyfriends mate.

Saturday, 3 June 2017

Fucking Bastard Forced me to give him Head

Fucking Bastard - in more ways than one - Before May Mattered

Fucking Bastard
Fucking Bastard forced me to give him head

June 1997

Well - I am not really sure exactly what I am feeling at the moment – having slept on it I am no clearer in my head about what went on with Al today, than I was yesterday.  He has confused me for sure.

The evening started well. He picked me up from mums as we were going to that village near where her new flat is. As soon as we got there and sat down with our drinks he enthusiastically began to talk about all the places we could go together and generally how great it would be. He told me he wants to take me to his work mate’s garden party, so I can meet him and his wife. The confusion started when we were onto our second drink and I thought it was time to tell him that Seb and I were no longer together. That is when the atmosphere changed.

Thursday, 25 May 2017

Dirty Sex

Dirty Sex on my Mind - Before May Mattered

Dirty Sex
Dirty Sex

June 1997

After talking to Jane’s sister I tried to sleep. I ended up having quite a restless night going over everything that had happened in my head. I masturbated, reliving Al fondling by breasts, and took the scene further so that in my head he was pounding his cock into me while spanking my arse. That’s the type of sex I want – not polite and not always gentle, dirty sex. In the olden days, with Vic, we could get quite raunchy but not as “bad” as I need – I only get that in my imagination. I drifted into a deeper sleep and woke at ten. Waiting for Vic, I Pottered around congratulating myself about how brave I’d been to tell Seb it was over.

Monday, 15 May 2017


Preface Matters - Before May Mattered

preface matters
Preface Matters

Early June 1997

I can’t believe it - after 3 years I have actually finished with Seb. He took it well, looked sad but just got up and walked out of my house – gone to his Mums I expect. I rang Jane but she was out with work friends. I had to talk to someone so told her sister all about it. Vic will be over tomorrow. 

Now I am actually free I am not entirely sure if I want to rekindle a serious relationship with him though. It’s strange, almost like we can’t stop loving each other but can’t commit to each other again either – rather I can’t commit to him!

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